Check, check, one, two.

Why is it that I can spend time feeling like both a success and a failure at this whole life gig?

Marriage: check. Overall, good. Ups and downs, but thankfully, mostly ups. Difficult context--wouldn't have necessarily chosen Jordan, but that's what happens when you marry a Jordanian.

Work: check. Much the same assessment. Ups and downs, but mostly ups. Wouldn't have chosen this field, but I couldn't ask for better hours or flexibility. I guess that's what happens when you want to spend most of the day with your kid, but need to bring in some money, too.

Health: check, I guess. Still waiting on a diagnosis for whatever caused my last miscarriage. I saw a specialist and now we're testing. I really want to try to give Salam a sibling. Hope my body is up to it.

Interpersonal interactions: suck. I'm a shy and rather sensitive person. If I feel like I offended anyone, I feel terrible. Can't really deal with conflict unless I feel totally safe with whom I'm fighting. Therefore I tend to avoid people in general. Kind of weird overall. I wish I could change this about myself.

Parenting: OK, I guess. I'm doing my best. Sometimes I do great. Sometimes I fuck up. Hopefully I won't screw up anyone in the process. Love my kiddo a lot, and feel grateful for him every day.

Sense of humor: intact. Especially when Salam tells me every time he farts ("Mommy, fart?"), or just walks up to me in the kitchen and says, "dammit." I'm like, "yeah, I feel that way, too." (Mental note: stop swearing in front of him).

I feel grateful, worried, anxious (health stuff, spousal absences, general life pressures), and miss my family a lot. I guess the good thing is that things never stay the same. I'm sure our context will change a couple years in the future, and hopefully it will bring some good things.